Hopefully the discussion drew your attention to the complexity of the personal concerns you’ve encountered and made you more aware of the reasons underlying the many ways you have addressed them. However, a few anecdotal examples don’t begin to convey the rich forest of concerns in which we live. Some diarists have written down their concerns in a manner for self-recollection. The concerns in letters are written in a manner understandable to the recipient. What follows is my take on the concerns my parents cared to share during their year-long courtship.
Some Personal Concerns Arising in a Pre-WWII Courtship of Two Christian Soulmates[1]
Although the details of our personal concerns will reflect the circumstances of our lives, the spirits we heed and the underlying concerns in Table 1 [the aforementioned self-orientation table of our elemental guiding spirits] do not. They have survived the ages and no longer depend on time.
When overwhelmed by the pressing matters of the day, we seldom pause to think about the consequences of the spirits we have been heeding and the basic concerns that gave rise to them. We should. It is easy to overlook opportunities that have been missed for finding more joy and meaning in life when we don’t take the time to pause and reflect.
In their weekly desire to truthfully share their lives with each other, Margaret and Walter clearly have taken the time to more fully understand the personal concerns they are addressing. Their letters provide a facile and reasonably objective means by which we can see the diversity of contexts in which the concerns in Table 1 entered their daily lives while courting. Appendix 1 names some of the personal concerns addressed in their letters. Those chosen were the ones noted in the Glimpse Back sections in each of the books of this trilogy.
Though the naming and classifications of these personal concerns are highly subjective, a couple of things stand out. First is the relative frequency in which the six universal concerns are represented: disclosure (38), brokenness (29), life (26), relationships (20), worthiness (10), death (2). This is to be expected. Disclosure came first, probably from Walter’s and Margaret’s wanting to get to know each other. That brokenness came next may seem surprising until we recognize how faultfinding, conflict, and tragedy dominate our news channels. That worthiness is so low on the list may reflect what I came to see as their broadly based joy in life. That death comes last as an ultimate concern probably reflects its seldom being an ultimate concern when courting.
Second, naming a personal concern being addressed by an individual helps us decide if we might be interested in the issues but may not specify the underlying concern. If we look at the twenty personal concerns involving their relationship, disclosure was the underlying concern eight times, relationships seven times, and brokenness nine times.Circumstances are complex. Our sense of what captures our attention at any particular moment can be as fleeting as our minds. Yet it is these matters that we share with one another. From them we can often infer the underlying spirit of a thought or action.
The expressions in Appendix 2 correspond to the personal concerns tallied in Appendix 1 for this third volume. If one looks at the five entries labeled “Experiencing God” in the second through fourth pages of Appendix 2, one can easily infer the varied contexts under which God is experienced, two in which life was the ultimate concern, and three in which it was disclosure.
Per Table 1, each universal concern can give rise to three different spirits. A personal concern does not specify which of the three spirits to heed. Which one we heed will depend on our desires and the personal goals that govern our self-orientations. Although priorities are seldom stated, even as children, we can often grasp the spirit that a person is heeding from their expressions, as suggested by Table 1.
Walter and Margaret were predominantly addressing their personal concerns from a holistic orientation when writing these letters. That is easily seen from the expressions in Appendix 2. They are ordered first by the relevant row in Table 1 designating a universal concern. Those expressions relevant to the same universal concern are ordered lexicographically by the personal concern being addressed. Those relevant to the same universal concern and same personal concern are ordered by the date (month/day) of the letter with an underline signaling the discussion of that expression in the following Glimpse Back section. Thus, the third row of Appendix 2 contains an expression Walter wrote on September 7 addressing a personal concern (Enjoying marriage) in which Life (the first row in Table 1) is the underlying concern.
It is easy to see that all of the ten expressions in Appendix 2 that entail life as the underlying concern could have been written by holistically oriented persons heeding their mindful spirits. None are reasonably seen as coming from someone heeding a self-aggrandizing spirit. Expressions 7/5 and 9/10 could possibly be seen as coming from anyone interested in the kingdom of God when heeding a promoting spirit. The remaining seven expressions reveal no clear promotional intent beyond their own interests.
Looking at their expressions when disclosure is the motivating concern, they are simply heeding their truthful spirit by trying to accurately convey the thoughts on their mind. We do not see the weighing of pros and cons and the exchanging of approvals and disapprovals that typify the consenting spirit. However, the fourteen expressions by themselves do not rule out their heeding a manipulating spirit of disclosure. That spirit can and will say anything that serves its egoistic purpose. It can only be ruled out when we know that the person communicating the thoughts was not egoistically oriented. Even had we not read Walter’s and Margaret’s letters, that confidence would have grown with our ruling out the self-aggrandizing spirit in the preceding discussion in which life was the ultimate concern.
This appendix has only two expressions in which worthiness is the motivating concern. Both involve acquaintances whom they perceive as having difficulties brought about by choices related to social temptations. Had Margaret and Walter been heeding their ranking spirits, they might have called them losers. Had they been heeding their grouping spirits, they might have dismissed them as morally, socially, or spiritually unworthy of their interest. Instead, an encompassing spirit comes through in their expressions of concern.
When relationships are our motivating concern, we can heed a serving, role-playing, or dominating spirit. There is no trace of the last spirit in the seven tabled expressions of Walter and Margaret. Their awareness of our having and playing different roles in life comes through in their first (6/14), fourth (6/28), and last (5/17) expressions. Few question the need for and benefits of heeding our role-playing spirits in the game of life. It is when we rigidly heed our role-playing spirits and fail to appreciate the role-playing spirits of others that dissensions arise. That possibility is lessened when we heed the serving spirit, as Margaret and Walter do in their remaining four expressions.
We naturally seek positive involvement when the ultimate concerns are life, disclosure, worthiness, and relationships. Involvement in which the ultimate concern is brokenness comes to us on its own. Margaret did not seek to be bedridden in her 7/23 expression. Walter did not relish how his country’s privilege of religious freedom was being celebrated in his 7/4 expression. Margaret’s feeling disgusted with herself wasn’t the result of a conscious initiative in her 9/2 expression. Our joy in life is dampened when brokenness comes our way. Our faultfinding spirits are helpful in pointing out an immediate cause: Margaret’s having to lie in bed, Walter’s not liking how the privilege of religious freedom was being celebrated, Margaret’s feeling disgusted with herself. In all three situations, their self-searching spirits turned their eyes toward something that brought back their joy. Although it seemed to heal Margaret’s disgust with herself, it didn’t immediately change her having to stay in bed. It didn’t change how the privilege of religious freedom was being celebrated in America, but it did release a thankfulness in Walter’s own heart for that privilege.
Death becomes a motivating concern when we contemplate what part of our expressed spirits lives on after we die. Each of the three elemental spirits are judgmental in their guidance. The judgments will largely reflect the guiding spirits we have chosen to heed. Margaret expressed her uncertainty in that judgment for her student by writing “I hope he was saved.” The song she chose to sing reflects her belief that the judgment lies in the expressed spirit birthed by a “small child of Bethlehem, the unknown young man of Nazareth, the rejected preacher, the naked man on the cross, who asks for [our] full attention” (You Are the Beloved: Daily Meditations for Spiritual Living by Henri Nouwen, compiled and edited by Gabrielle Earnshaw, 383).
Reflecting Back
What surprised you in the personal concerns expressed in this one-year courtship? Any surprises in the personal concerns that were not expressed?
What expressions on their concerns appealed to you? Which ones put you off?
What merit do you see in attempting to ascertain the vital concerns implicit in the expression of a personal concern?
[1] Mark A. Johnson,
Abiding in God (Oviedo: EA Books Publishing, 2024), 229–234, 325–335.
